pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
