look no pants
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
