I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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