you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize