speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
These tits shall not be calmed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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