Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
