I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
