and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize