I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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