i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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