she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
