I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
