I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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