Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
