My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
