What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
