And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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