Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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