You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
