i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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