margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
