As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
