Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize