Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
