Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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