Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
