Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
