When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
