Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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