I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
