I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
