at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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