For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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