mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
