He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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