Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
