Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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