I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
