she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize