I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
