I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
