I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
