It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
