Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize