so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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