A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
