I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
