I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
