that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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