At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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