Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
