Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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