Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
