Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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