omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
