in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
