i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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