Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
