My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
