you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize