i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
