I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
