i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
