he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
