Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize