Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
