My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
