Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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