Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
