she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize