sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize