i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize