No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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