i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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