i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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