OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
