so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
time to smoke my breakfast
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me I should be a condom model.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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