Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
