I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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