Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
