FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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